My sister asked me what was my biggest takeaway from this particular trip to Uganda. My friend then asked how I was unpacking; she wasn’t talking about the suitcases. I am still figuring all of that out, even though everything is put away. I will share some of what we packed and took away.
While in Uganda, Charlie and I got to share at a marriage conference, at CSIM. We were the only Americans at this Marriage Day Celebration. I was feeling a little weird about speaking, because what do Americans have to offer Ugandans on the subject of marriage. Our cultures are very different. But as we began to prepare, we realized God had prepared us to speak on this very special day. We are not experts in marriage; we are barely even good at it sometimes, but we know where to go for help and instruction, and we have some years of practice. If we waited to be experts, or good at something before we shared with others, we would never open our mouth?
Marriage Across Cultures
We began by acknowledging the obvious differences and we remembered WHO brings us all together, who created us and who created marriage. Our God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is not concerned how we grew up, or what we look like. He is above every name and culture on this earth.We can get stuck in our “ways/culture”, and we can forget that all people in Christ, from all nations, are called to the same life in Him, no matter what culture says. Jesus is the way and He isn’t confined or conformed to what culture says, He transforms us.
The Way is the same for all of us that know Him. Yes, our culture may be different in terms of language and food and music, but when it comes to relationships, there is one Way, and it’s the way Jesus taught. He is the way, truth and the life. He tells us the way to live in truth. Jesus gives us His life no matter where we live, language we speak or food we eat.
Greatest Command
The greatest command that Jesus gave us, applies to everyone. The Bible tells us the greatest command is to love God and love others. Married or single, African or American this is the greatest command in which all the other commands fall. Love God and love others. When we love God first and most, we have love to give others including our husband or wife. I’m not saying if you don’t love God, you can’t love your spouse. I am saying if you don’t love God, you will run out of love, your love with have limits. Only God gives true and unconditional unfailing love. We can’t give what we have not received; if we haven’t received His love, we can’t give it to anyone. God is the author and creator of love and marriage and if we don’t do it under His banner of Love, we will come to the end of it.
Forgiveness In Marriage
Forgiveness is an important part of every relationship and marriage is at the top of the list. Love forgives. Relationships, especially marriage will require a lot of forgiveness. Relationships need forgiveness, or they will be short lived. According to what Jesus came and did for us; that should make us realize we need forgiveness and we need to forgive others, and there is no other way. Forgiveness really is the biggest, most important part of love and relationship on this earth. Forgive because you are forgiven. Forgive before being asked. In the wedding vows, for Christian weddings, there should be a vow of forgiveness. It will be needed probably within the first hour of marriage. Can you imagine, I promise to love you in sickness and in health, and I promise to forgive before you even ask, because Jesus is King and He forgave me before I ever asked or knew I needed it.
We read in Ephesians about how a husband and wife are to love one another as Christ loved the church. The Bible tells husbands to love your wives as Christ loved and gave himself up for her, and wives submit to your own husband. Everyone wants to point to what the other one is supposed to be doing. But I would challenge everyone to be looking at what the Bible says we should be doing, our part, even if our spouse is not doing their part.
Ephesians 5: 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.
God Changes Hearts
Leading a wife and being the head is much smoother when the wife is submissive to the husband’s leading. Submission is much easier when the wife can trust her husbands leadership is covered in the love of God. Rather than looking at your spouse and deciding if they are doing their part wrong, maybe we should look at ourselves and examine how we are doing with our part of the equation.
If the wife feels like her husband isn’t leading well, maybe its better to look at how well she is submitting and let God deal with the husband’s leadership. God can change a heart when we pray and trust Him, instead of acting as if God doesn’t know what He is talking about when He put marriage institutions in the Bible. Same goes for husbands that don’t think their wives are submissive, maybe they should look at their own leadership and see if they are leading like Jesus, and giving up their own life and serving their wife.
Praying In Front of God and Everyone
We ended our speaking time with husbands praying right then and there for their wives and wives praying right then and there for their husbands. It was very powerful, humbling and vulnerable for everyone. Our Ugandan friends are prayer warriors, but to pray for our marriage partners in front of God and everybody, felt like fresh fire straight from Holy Spirit.
Being invited to speak about marriage, was encouraging and humbling to us. Our marriage is 34 years old (as they say it in Uganda), and we are still learning new things. Every season brings about new challenges and beautiful blessings. We can never get too comfortable or bored, we must engage and stay committed even as things change over time.
We can testify to God’s love and faithfulness, covered in grace to each of us and to us together for all these years. There was a beautiful Ugandan couple, seated in a place of honor, who had been married longer than us, and when I saw them nodding and heard them saying amen to what we shared, it felt like God had gone before us, and prepared us for this day. His Word is true in the beginning and forever across time and across oceans!
I didn’t buy one thing, to bring home and I am fully loaded. My heart is full. I have much more to share about our trip and Andule Simon and Shadia’s wedding but hopefully I can keep unpacking and enjoying it all over again.
