As we walk into the next phase of healing, moving forward one step and one day at a time, we are walking into unknown territory: We have never been here before.
Every person is unique in how they respond to trauma. We can base a lot on what the experts see in the scans and their study of similar cases; to be sure, the doctors are brilliant—straight from heaven above. The nurses are angels in scrubs. The OTs and the PTs offer therapy for all of life. Maezie’s teachers have reached out and said so many times they will figure out anything that works for her to finish the 7th grade. Though every teacher and class is very different, all are working to make a plan that works for her. The whole body needs to be addressed, needs to work together for the whole person. Everyone has their own area of expertise and they must work with all the others. It is happening.
Maezie’s family and friends are tightly connected, to her and to one another. We are all part of her life, her heart and even her DNA. We get her, we know her well. This is the Amazing Grace we know and love. This is love and connection that can’t be formed in a crisis: It’s been there, it was how God built her family and support system before we even knew she would need it, at this level.
Putting all that knowledge and passion and love and connection and all those gifts and talents into one 13-year-old and you are going to have some big feelings and even some tension. Tension comes with tight connection. I think of a rope, the tighter the rope the tighter the tension. It’s not a bad thing, it’s keeps us all in line, when we don’t even know where the line is sometimes. Where there is no tension, there is no connection. We are tight and that’s the line we choose to walk.
This has been the hardest part for me. Everyone wants to do the right thing and the best thing, but all those right things and best things don’t always line up with each other.
I wrestled with this all night the other night, and quite frankly most nights since May 3—maybe even since I became a mom 33 years ago (and all the moms said, “Amen”).
I’m a people pleaser who is not great with boundaries or authority. I’m a people pleaser by nature and a God pleaser by faith. And once again, these things don’t always line up.
Now without faith it is impossible to please God, since the one who draws near to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)
God Speaks
A few nights ago, God finally spoke on the matter. It was as if we had prayed and stormed the gates of heaven and He waited until we got it all out, until we felt heard. Then when things quieted down, He said in His still small voice with power and authority and love: “Listen to me. I will tell you what to do.”
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and incomprehensible things you do not know. (Jeremiah 33:3)
See, we all know God put Maezie together the first time and the second time and He can see the whole person and He goes far beyond all the scans and tests. As Charsie pointed out, God spared her life, and she is a living miracle, and God will get her through this. Yes and amen. The challenge is how we handle this miracle and how we move together in faith and wisdom—that is our part to play.
Holy and Healing Moments
One of the days that we were in the hospital, I pushed for worship music. I needed it. Lashae asked the Lord, because it didn’t feel right yet to her to have music playing in the background. The Lord said to be still. So we kept it quiet; then God brought Brooke and her guitar. We got to worship right there in person, in focus, in the moment, rather than in the background. We didn’t decide what songs to play; Maezie made requests and Brooke played. The first song Maezie requested was, “All Hail, King Jesus.” It was a holy and healing moment. God heard and spoke and provided what we needed in His timing and in His way, which is so much better than anything we could do or create for ourselves.
As we move forward, nobody really knows and probably nobody totally agrees on how to do that. So this is how we fight the battle: Before each step, we ask God. We will be brave and strong and courageous. We will be still and quiet and pray for wisdom and discernment. We will work together and keep it together while God does His work.
God reminded me of so many examples from the Bible to think about as I wrestle through each step. When Joshua and Caleb went to scope out the Promised Land with ten others, they were the only two who came back with faith that they could defeat the giants of the land. They were also the only two who made it into the Promised Land.
Maezie is moving into promised land, on earth as it is in heaven. She is walking out this healing and provision and new territory and new testimony. It’s gonna’ look scary; the giants are everywhere but she is strong and courageous.
New Testimony
Moving forward into the New Testament, or into this new testimony, we remember when Jesus showed up on the shore after His resurrection and the disciples were not catching any fish. I can only imagine the frustration and tension in that boat. These disciples were fishermen. If they knew anything, they knew how to catch fish. They knew how to do it and they knew it well. Jesus showed up and told them to cast their net on the other side. I mean what good is that going to do? It will only make them look more foolish. But they did what He said even when it went against all common sense—what they knew from experience—and He moved in their obedience and provided more than the tension-filled boat could handle.
God Gave Us The Word
He gave us His Holy Spirit to teach and to speak. We must listen and obey.
It’s important to gather all the reports and opinions and go before God and listen to the final Word.
In the dark and scary moments after the accident He heard us; now it’s time for us to hear Him.
