Three things I mostly avoid writing about, yet feel passionate about, are marriage, parenting and finances. I’m decades deep in all of it, but feel the least qualified and most sensitive in these areas of my life. These particular areas God and I have both shown up big. He shows me who He is and I do the same. He shows up with mercy, grace and faithfulness and I show up broken and needing all He has to offer. Double portions of what only He can offer in the marriage, parenting and financial areas because they hit closest and hardest to the heart. Speaking up about these big things, with big feelings, while remaining humble, not hidden, is bold humility and where I believe God is pointing me.
Winning At Failure
It’s not even failure that makes me hesitate to talk about these areas. It’s the fact that I have also experienced some wins. The failures are almost easier to talk about. I know what happened, and I know what I deserve. But it’s when something happens that I know I don’t deserve, that can be harder to share. It’s humility and pride all mixed up and hard to separate and discern which is which. What is protecting my pride? What is protecting me from pride?
Bold Humility
Bold humility are the words the Lord keeps challenging me with. As I get older I’m quieter ( hard to believe for those that didn’t know me in my really loud years). I mean I can still yell pretty loud, but I have less to yell about, so it’s just a natural decrease in words and volume. I am quieter, yet I’m compelled to speak. This is that dangerous mixture of pride and humility.
Humble / Proud
Pride says, I know stuff, but I’m not sharing it because people don’t really want to hear it anyway. Humility says, God has taught me some things along this journey and I will share from my experiences, but trust Him with the response. Pride can be arrogant and loud and also closed off and shut down, depending on what serves it best. Humility is bold and courageous, gentle and kind. It’s a tone thing. It’s a timing thing. When God gives us something, it’s always meant to be shared along the way, with zeal and humility.
Pride says I need to tell people how it is, how to do this or that. Humility says I need to share what God has taught me. Pride says I need to hide and humility says I need to share. Pride says, I will share what I have, because I have it and you don’t; you need what I have. Humility says, I will share what I have been given, even if I worked hard for it. God has given me all I have to steward and share for my good and the good of others and the Glory of God.
The Big Three Hit Close to Home
These particular subjects, marriage, kids, and finances hit close to home because they happen at home. It takes God on the best days and the worst moments to get us through every day and to get through to us.
It’s the heart posture that makes what is said or unsaid pride or humility. Punishing or helpful.
When I see young mamas sharing their life freely, or for a side hustle, I do love it. I’m sucked in. It makes me want a do-over (only sometimes) because they are crushing it. They have all the cool stuff and document the joy and realness of motherhood, young love and ambitious work and it brings me back and makes me love it all the more. They inspire all who get to follow their journey.
Life Happens
It does something else to me as well, when I see all the tricks and tips, dos and don’ts that will make your marriage amazing, the parenting advice that motivates children to do all the wonderful things they need to do, and the work shared so you too can have it all and do it all. I cover one eye when I see it coming. I know this isn’t fair, they are using the platforms of our day and age, it’s why I enjoy scrolling too much. I’ve learned a lot, and laugh and nod at what they are sharing, hence the one eye open.
The eye I cover is because I know what’s coming. Life. We can be put together; we can do all the right things and wrong things and the truth of the matter is marriage has hiccups, kids are people and money comes and goes. Life doesn’t fit our formula or highlight reel.
It’s the older crowd that gets a little too quiet. It’s not that the younger generation doesn’t want to hear, it’s that the elders aren’t saying much. The elders get quiet because we aren’t as good with the platforms of the day, and by the time we become “elder” life has humbled us. Elders are well aware of the mistakes we make and the grace we’ve been given. We know you can do a lot of right things and it turns out sideways. You can make a lot of wrong moves and it lines up anyway. No formula seems to work.
Something I have been pondering is how to share, how to speak up, with humble boldness. Humble, not hidden is bold humility, it is a posture of heart and a tone of voice.
Not What But Who You Know
You know that old saying, “It’s not what you know, but WHO you know.” It’s true. I know God better through the hardest parts of life. His faithfulness went from words in the Bible to the anchor of my soul during the toughest years and most difficult circumstances.
Marriage hiccups, and crazy kids and the hard years of business taught me things about God that I wouldn’t know without the trials. I know that God is merciful, gives grace and He is faithful because He showed up with all of that, to me personally, day after day, year after year. I didn’t just read it in His Word, or see it happen in other people’s lives, I’ve lived in His grace, mercy and faithfulness. Reading it in His Word and hearing it from other, just helped me recognize it faster, when it showed up for me. This is the point of sharing, we need others to hear about God, so when they see Him, they know Who He is.
Work At Home
The biggest parts of my testimony is the Lord doing a work in me is within marriage, kids, and finances. I pray I share with bold humility and use my life and the experienced He has given me, to testify to the goodness of God.
