Today was my first “run” after my ankle injury nearly three months ago. It was slow and short and carried all the drama that comes with starting over. Running is the activity that is near and dear to my heart and lives in my bones, it’s calming to continue, and resistant to start, especially starting over. The familiar motion gave me hope and some good reminders and clarity to my body and my mind. Experience in previous seasons of sitting out or slowing down have happened, but I never had an injury that hurt for this long on a body part with this many miles and years on it; it all felt scary, as if I could be at a point of no return.
Jesus Teaches Me In Running Parables
I was slowly and cautiously moving, and feeling my throat burn, my ankle ache, and my heart pound; at the same time in the same stride, I was feeling extreme gratitude. Processing and praying through what in the world these last three months were really all about for me, because God uses physical things, especially running, to teach me spiritual things. Jesus taught a lot in farming parables to people that understood that lingo, and one of the ways He speaks to me is in the context of running. I can relate to it, understand the lingo and I have some personal experience to draw from.
Running conversations is about much more than running, it’s about conversations with the Lord. Hebrews 12:1b-2a. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, 2 keeping our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith.
Conversations Flow Better When In Motion
Forward motion helps the conversations with Jesus to flow better; less distraction, fresh air, and focused breathing, is the best combination for clearing the air. I feel braver when I’m running, even if it’s in slow circles around my cul-de-sac. I feel braver to say things and feel things that are buried a bit below reach; with pumping blood and beading sweat they tend to surface, from inside.
Feelings Hurt Worse Than A Sprained Ankle
Feeling thankful and a bit frustrated about starting over again, I realized the biggest part of my frustration has been that this whole injury thing has hurt my feelings more than my ankle, and man oh man, did my ankle give me enough pain. I had big time sore feelings and I didn’t allow myself to give that area of pain much attention. I realize other people have much harder situations and life altering injuries, in their physical body and their journey of faith, so I didn’t give myself permission to spend time and attention on what was hurting inside of me. I didn’t feel like I had a leg to stand on (pun intended) when it came to taking the time I needed to lament my plans and goals. Even though I am extremely thankful, and fully realizing it could have been much worse, I never attended to the heartache of it.
Feelings are very real, and folks in my era and neck of the woods, often operate with the mindset that feelings aren’t an important part of life and are not typically invited or welcome to be a part of the conversation.
Covering Feelings and Toenails
Denying we have feelings is like denying we have toenails, it doesn’t mean we don’t have them, it just means they are covered and growing sharp, long and digging into everything near them. They can remain under cover and air out occasionally, in ways that look like aggressive work or competition.
My feelings got hurt when my ankle did because I had made plans and set goals that came crashing down when I came crashing down the stairs. My plans and goals took a back seat to sitting with ice and elevation.
Injury Can Strengthen Us To Endure and Persevere
The real revelation throughout this conversation of tender ankles and hurt feelings was how this represents running our race of faith. Perhaps , missteps, misunderstandings and tumbling down the stairs is in God’s plan to strengthen, humble and train us to persevere through the injuries we endure along the way. God called us to this faith and to run our race and he told us it would be messy, hard, and exhilarating at times. We can either let our disappointments take us out, or let them strengthen us. When we are slowed down or set out for a time, we can study our course, refine our plan, to endure and persevere until we run across that finish line.
I have never met a runner, in the faith or on the road, that hasn’t dealt with injury to some degree. Maybe running our race and the injuries that occur, inside and out, are an important part of the race and reaching the true goal.
